Narcissistic Abuse & Recovery
Narcissism is a personality characteristic reflective of extreme selfishness and self-seeking intentions and behaviors. People with Narcissism, male or female, have a deep need for admiration from others, usually in order to feel good about themselves. This deep-seated need for admiration tends to compensate and stem from deep unconscious insecurities. These individuals have a distinct sense of entitlement and grandiosity, regard themselves as special or different, and exaggerate or fantasize about capabilities or achievements. People with Narcissism also lack the ability to self-reflect or to be aware of how they impact others, often blaming others for any interpersonal issues.
Those with Narcissistic Personality Disorder usually come across as confident, charming, and caring, especially in the beginning. They can be sweet, showering others with gifts and compliments, which although may appear genuine, is usually really only aimed at seducing others into reinforcing and providing the attention and admiration - the narcissistic supply - they need in order to have a sense of self-worth.
Many individuals with Narcissism have issues with addiction in one form or another - alcohol, drugs, sex, love, fitness or image-related fixations. As is often seen in families and relationship dynamics in addiction, those with Narcissism are usually drawn to caring, kind, generous, and considerate people, and very much those with codependent traits or delayed stress syndrome.
Narcissism is a powerful force to be around, and can hugely affect those who are around the disorder, be it partners, family, or colleagues.
Narcissistic abuse in relationships is more common than once believed, however, it is often misunderstood by many health professionals. Many individuals seeking help for stress, anxiety, depression, or addictions can be wrongly diagnosed, as Narcissism is a subtle type of abuse that is often missed.
Typically, those with strong narcissistic traits are highly successful, charismatic, and exciting to be around, so it is very easy to get swept up in the romance in the beginning.
Some signs you may be involved with or around someone with Narcissism include:
Constant drama. Those with Narcissism need to be needed and they often seek chaos and conflict. Being in a relationship with an individual like this usually involves dramatic break-ups and make-ups.
Chaos and drama can also include argumentativeness, dangerous activities, such as intense sports interests, dangerous driving, drug taking, high-risk sexual interests, cheating, lying, and so on…
Being around individuals with Narcissism feels exciting, though is ultimately draining. There are almost constant ups and downs.
They may appear very genuine, forgiving, emotionally available, sensitive, and caring at times, however, you may notice that they never really take full responsibility for their own behaviors.
A narcissistic partner or family member is likely to say things like “If you cared for me better, then I wouldn't need to drink” or “If you didn’t do X then I wouldn’t have had to cheat”.
They rarely, if ever, apologize for their behavior. If they do, it is done with manipulation for their own gains.
Ultimately they manipulate and exploit others for their own selfish gains.
For anybody with codependent traits, being in relationship with someone with Narcissism can be extremely dangerous and damaging for both their physical and mental health. The dynamic and the adrenalin of the ups and downs can become highly addictive and exhausting and many victims of narcissistic abuse end up struggling with trauma, anxiety, panic, depression, stress, and burn-out.
Recognizing these kinds of traits or relationship patterns is an important first step in recovering and healing from this type of abuse.